Four Tips to Help You Navigate the “More Help” Conversation
The holiday season is typically filled with conversations about loved ones, plans for this year’s celebration, and memories of holidays past. Many of us will gather with extended family to enjoy traditions that make the holiday season bright. However, for some, this time of year presents a new challenge. Our aging loved ones are showing signs that it’s more and more difficult for them to manage everyday tasks on their own. Perhaps they’re stubborn and won’t accept help, or
perhaps they’ve been relying too much on one member of the family and the burden is too great for them. For those that live out of town, seeing an aging loved one who is declining in health can be an eye-opening experience. If this holiday season sheds light to the fact that your aging loved one needs more help, and you’re not sure where to start, we have a few tips to help you navigate this tricky conversation. Stick Together
Before you singlehandedly open the floodgates to this dicey conversation, sit down with siblings or appropriate family members and gather your thoughts. Before you insist that your aging loved one needs more help, review the facts. Is your loved one able to manage their household? Do they appear unkempt? Has there been a noticeable decline in their mobility or memory recently? Can they manage their medications? Do they seem depressed? Make a list of where you see your loved one struggling and make sure everyone agrees. Then, you can all present your concerns in agreement, which makes it easier for your loved one to accept their reality.
Consider the Timing
Pick a time that works best for your loved one and select family members. It’s probably not the best idea to start the “more help” conversation immediately after your holiday meal is served and before presents are opened. In fact, wait until after the holidays to have the conversation if possible. Let your loved one enjoy the celebration and time with extended family. If there are family members that live out of town and need to be present for the conversation, wait towards the end of their visit to have the conversation. Also consider the amount of people involved in your loved one’s care. It’s probably best for only sons and daughters to sit down with your loved one if you have a big family. In-laws, nephews, nieces, cousins, and grandchildren can sit this one out. Your loved one will be more receptive if they don’t feel bombarded by the family.
Stick to the Facts
Keep the conversation short and brief, sticking only to the facts. Say things like, “We’ve noticed that you seem to be struggling with grocery shopping or keeping the house clean.” Avoid accusing statements and ultimatums. Express empathy and understanding, sharing how it makes you feel to see them struggle. For example, say “I worry about what would happen if you fall in the shower and no one is here to help you.” Then, give your loved one time and space to respond. Chances are, they are aware that they need more help and don’t know how to tell you.
Work Together
Lastly, involve your loved one in the process of finding the help that they need. Although you’ve probably already determined where they need help, ask them to identify areas where they could use more help. Remind them that you’re on their side and you desire for them to live safely and independently where they are most comfortable. Brainstorm ways they can receive the help that they need, while maintaining healthy family boundaries. Perhaps hiring senior home care services is the right path for your aging loved one, then involve them in the process. Let them meet with the teams as you interview agencies. Listen to their preferences and select an agency that makes them feel comfortable.
Visiting Angels Fort Worth is here to help you navigate this difficult conversation with your aging loved one. We provide a variety of care services that allows your loved one to remain safely and independently in the comfort of their own home. Our services are available on an affordable hourly basis with flexibility in days, times, and length of your care visits. We also work hard to match your loved one with a compatible caregiver, so that they can start forming a companionship from day one. Give your loved one the gift of Visiting Angels Fort Worth this holiday season, knowing that 2019 will be their best year yet with the help from us. If you are ready to have the “more help” conversation with your loved one, contact our office today to schedule your free at-home care consultation.