VISITING ANGELS HORSHAM, PA 215-938-7202
Facebook YouTube X Instagram LinkedIn

Mistakes to Avoid with Your Aging Parents

Our parents have always been there. They have been strong,  known what to say, and helped us fix our problems. Across these past years, there has been a role reversal occurring in slow motion. The leaky pipe Dad used to fix is now a pipe we need to fix. The dollar bills we “borrowed” from Mom’s wallet are now dollar bills we may need to insert into Mom’s wallet. The push lawnmower Dad used to be able to push is now a lawnmower only we have the strength to push. 

As this transition occurs, we, the adult children, will handle it in one of two ways: 

  • We will recognize this transition, educate ourselves about it, embrace it and act accordingly, or;
  • We will bury our heads in the sand and live in denial that our parents are aging. We will continue to place similar expectations on them as we did when we were growing up.

Elderly woman talking to adult daughterSometimes the children of aging parents need to exhibit an open mind and spirit of learning about how it feels to age and what our parents need from us. Given we have never been senior citizens before, we cannot possibly understand the challenges from personal experience. Our parents know how it feels to be our age, but we don’t know how it feels to be their age. However, we can adopt some humility and accept that we don’t know everything.  We enlisted the help of a senior named Dolores I. to help adult children better understand what their senior parents may need. Dolores is 75 years old, a wife to her husband, Michael, for over 50 years, and has four grown children in their 40’s and 50’s. Here are a few of Dolores’ tips to consider when interacting with your senior parents:

  • Please be patient. If our parent takes longer to stand up, to walk around the store, to gather their thoughts, to take their turn during the card game, or to open the jar, please be patient. The body and brain don’t work like they used to. They are doing the best they can and don’t want to feel inadequate because of factors outside of their control.  
  • Understand that adaptation to change does not happen easily or quickly. Our parents are already grieving many changes, such as the loss of strength, coordination, employment, homes, and spouses. Even after these changes have occurred, they may still be in the process of acceptance. Allow them to grieve and process these changes on their timeline.
  • Try to maintain as much familiarity as possible. Many of our parents feel comfortable with keeping the same doctors and remaining in the same home. If changes are required, do your best to keep the surroundings and routine as familiar as possible.
  • Just as they have done for us, support decisions that they make, whether you agree or not. You may need to “agree to disagree,” but show support anyway.
  • Find a way to make them feel needed. No matter how old we are or how old they are, they want to feel helpful. We all do. It is part of the human condition.
  • Listen. Listen. As former talk show host, Larry King said: “I never learned anything while I was talking.” Our parents have more life experience than us and want to feel heard. Please resist the urge to jump in while they are explaining something. When they finish, let them know you heard them and will take the information they shared into consideration.

We have one chance to get this right.  For those of you who have lost a parent or close senior loved one, you know the permanency of that loss is staggering. When that day comes, we want to ensure we have no regrets.  We want to know that we treated our parents with dignity, we patiently listened and learned, we didn’t rush them, we validated their feelings, and we respected their needs.

 

Our caregivers at Visiting Angels of Horsham, PA, understand the aging process and the needs of the senior population. If you can’t be present for your parent due to distance or life circumstances, our compassionate caregivers will treat your parent like their own. Please call 215-938-7202 or contact us online to learn more about how Visiting Angels Horsham can support your parent in the comfort of their home.

 

Serving Horsham, Hatboro, Willow Grove, Ambler, Lower Gwynedd, Spring House and the Surrounding Areas

Visiting Angels HORSHAM, PA
300 Welsh Rd Bldg 1 #131
Horsham, PA 19044
Phone: 215-938-7202

Serving Horsham, Hatboro, Willow Grove, Ambler, Lower Gwynedd, Spring House and the Surrounding Areas

Visiting Angels HORSHAM, PA
300 Welsh Rd Bldg 1 #131
Horsham, PA 19044
Phone: 215-938-7202