CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS CAN MAKE CAREGIVING FOR A PARENT DIFFICULT
Not everyone has had a storybook childhood. Unfortunately as they grew up, some folks have had to deal with neglectful or abusive parents. Even though now an adult with children of their own, many folks have parents that remain mean-spirited, negative, manipulative, unappreciative, critical, hostile or worse.
Often their bad behavior is through no fault of their own. It is a symptom of cognitive impairment, or brought on by bad habits hard to break such as too much alcohol, or by chronic pain and illness, even medications, etc.
All that being said, the fact remains that the relationship with one’s elderly parents (or in-laws) can sometimes be too toxic to tolerate. Most adult children still want to handle the situation with compassion and decency. If you find yourself having trouble coping with the fact that they now need care, but you need to protect your mental and physical health, here are some suggestions how to handle the situation.
- Caregiving is stressful enough, so when there is additional conflict arrange to speak with a therapist about the family history as well as the current issues with the parent in order to keep your emotional equilibrium.
- Share the care with siblings or other relatives who may not have the same problems as you do with the elderly parent.
- Join a support group that has resources available and can help you navigate your negative feelings and reduce the guilt or shame you feel because you don’t want to be your parent’s caregiver.
- It may not be practical in all cases, but talk to an attorney about appointing a legal guardian. It may give you peace of mind.
- Get help from a professional. A Home Health Agency can provide the care or companionship your parent needs so you can stay sane, and also assist you in deciding whether or not you need to be involved in their care, or how much so, and what healthy boundaries and limits can be set.
You are not alone. Many adult children struggle with making decisions about caring for parents, in-laws, or step-parents who didn’t care for them, or where there is a history of conflict. Remember, you have options, and a choice, and the ability to change your mind or try something different if at first you don’t succeed.
Till Next Time!
Irv Seldin, JD, President and Owner, Visiting Angels of the Palm Beaches
*THIS ARTICLE IS NOT INTENDED AS MEDICAL OR LEGAL ADVICE.