LOGISTICS WHEN LIVING LONG DISTANCE FROM ELDERLY LOVED ONES
Living more than an hour away from an elderly parent can create challenges when it comes to caregiving. Logistics get in the way, and you lose sleep worrying about your parent’s safety and ability to handle their day-to-day tasks.
You have lots of company. There are 76 million Baby Boomers, many with parents requiring aid and assistance at home. About 43 million Americans provide or manage care for an elderly relative and the number is growing every day. Many of those are “long-distance caregivers.”
There are several choices. You can move your loved ones closer to your location and your place of employment so it is easier to care for them; uproot your own life and family and move to care for parents or in-laws at their home, or try to manage things from a distance. Most people underestimate the time and trouble it takes to be a caregiver, especially when holding down a full time job. When the signs of physical frailty, memory loss, or the decline in general health require more and more of your help and attention, it is time to ask for help from the professionals.
Arranging for a caregiver or companion from a Home Health Agency for your parents gives you peace of mind, and maintains your ability to do whatever needs to be done in your life, whether for your job, spouse, or your own children. If your parents are in denial about their circumstances or become adamant and refuse help at home, try to explain that "I need someone to help me watch over you,” and make the point that you do not want your parents to feel they are a burden to you, you just want peace of mind. That is hard to argue with!
Many working executives living a distance away from their parents are surprised when they learn about how many options there are for senior care depending upon a loved one’s health and level of independence. Aside from those that need skilled nursing, most senior adults live very well and quite independently with a caregiver or companion from a Home Health Agency dropping in a few times a week. A caregiver or companion can take care of the daily routine, hygiene, housework, meals and medication reminders. Transportation to and from doctors, therapy, trips to the supermarket or salon, are often included in care.
Homecare can always be supplemented with adult day services for social connections and activities, and be a place to meet new friends. The total cost for caregivers and companions in the home plus adult day activities can be about the same as assisted living - but better because your folks get to stay safe in their “home sweet home.”
Everyone’s situation is different of course. Family dynamics, finances, and the wishes of your parents will shape the situation. Here are some steps to guide you when trying to care for your elderly loved ones from a distance:
1. Assess your parent’s current state of health and living situation. Talk to their doctor, have someone observe their driving, make sure that they are eating well, and able to take care of their hygiene and finances.
2. Know your options if there is cognitive or physical impairment. Even if you decide to place your parents in assisted living, your duties will still include:
- Scheduling appointments, and coordinating with health care professionals
- Monitoring your parent's care at the facility or home
- Handling emergency medical calls
- Navigating stacks of insurance and medical bills
When creating a plan for long-term care long distance, you may still require the services of a Home Health Agency professional even if loved ones are in a facility.
3. Make sure in advance that your parents have a say in the decision to choose homecare and other pertinent family members are in agreement.
4. One of your primary duties is communication. Ensure it is 2-ways! Create a contact list of important phone numbers for physicians, insurance companies, and local emergency services. Be prepared for a health crisis or other type of emergency before it happens.
5. Set up a security system at your parent’s home. Video cameras and medical alert alarms are especially helpful for senior adults.
6. Be realistic, know what you can do and what you can’t. Your parents will need more care over time. Are you ready to increase the time and energy devoted to them every year? Will your work schedule and family obligations accommodate your parents’ needs?
Other considerations include your comfort level helping your Mom or Dad (or in-laws) with bathing and dressing. Will you be okay if they are incontinent or need help toileting? Not every adult child can handle these tasks, nor do parents necessarily want them to.
Today, families are often scattered throughout the county and even across the country due to work and financial obligations. While it can be difficult to live far away from your loved ones, hiring a caregiver or companion from a Home Health Agency can make all the difference and give you peace of mind while ensuring your parents’ well being no matter how near, or far, you are.
Till Next Time!
Irv Seldin, JD, President and Owner, Visiting Angels of the Palm Beaches
*THIS ARTICLE IS NOT INTENDED AS MEDICAL ADVICE.