How to know when your elderly parents need help

Seniors have a strong desire to remain independent and in control of their own lives for as long as possible. Typically, the aging senior will experience a traumatic event or "wake-up call" precipitating the realization that they need assistance. For example, they may suffer a stroke or a serious injury due to a fall; or their cognitive situation, such as the onset of dementia may result in a danger to themselves or others.  So, what are some of the common indicators that your parents may need some form of assistance or care? Here are some of the telltale signs.

Your parents have difficulty with or are incapable of performing routine activities of daily living (ADLs) such as:

• Bathing
• Dressing and grooming
• Toileting
• Transferring or moving from place to place (e.g., moving from the bed to a chair)
• Walking
• Eating

Changes in their physical appearance may indicate they need assistance:

• Noticeable weight loss (difficulty cooking, eating, shopping for food, etc.)
• Sloppy appearance/poor hygiene (difficulty bathing, dressing, and grooming)
• Black-and-blue marks on the body could indicate they've fallen and are having trouble walking or moving from place to place

Warning Signs That Your Aging Parent Needs Help

• Urine odor in house (signs of incontinence)
• Low food supply (difficulty completing regular tasks)
• Lack of drive or motivation
• Failure to return your phone calls

Warning signs that your parent might be developing dementia, Alzheimer's or some other cognitive impairment:

• Consistent memory lapses
• Confusion
• Loss of reasoning skills
• Difficulty performing familiar tasks
• Frequently misplaces things
• Frequently gets lost walking or driving
• Repetitive speech
• Unable to complete a sentence
• Rapid mood swings or changes in behavior
• Changes in personality
• Wears the same clothes over and over
• Cannot recall names of familiar people or objects

If you believe your parents are experiencing one or more of the above indicators, the next step is to talk with them about their care needs in such a way that they themselves identify the problem and come up with the solutions.

It's very important that your parents are the ones making the decision to seek help and decide which option best meets their care and assistance needs. Tough decisions such as selling their home and moving elsewhere should be their own and not yours, their doctor's, or some other interested parties. Put yourself in their shoes. The decision to move out of their home where they've created a very comfortable, secure environment for themselves over the years is a very traumatic change and must be handled with extreme care and sensitivity.