How to Stay Sane: Tips & Advice for Spousal Caregivers

As a spousal caregiver, your mind is set to put your loved one above all things, including your own sanity. The number one mistake family caregivers make is putting their health at risk for the benefit of their loved one.  The same way patients experience a dramatic transition in their lives, so do spousal caregivers. The dynamic completely changes from sharing joyful memories and planning a future to simply surviving the daily tasks that get you through the day. In addition, the friendship and romance that you used to have may dwindle away as time progresses. Feelings of resentment might even occur due to lack of time to invest in one’s self.

To prevent this from happening:

• Separate caregiving activities from actual family time. For example: set aside a couple of hours in the day to not have a conversation regarding their medical issues.
• Consistently express kindness.
• Ask your loved one to express some form of gratitude for the help you provide them.

Efforts to do all of this are not necessarily needed when one can afford a caregiver so that the spouse or family member can solely focus on being an emotional companion in their loved one’s life.

Caregiving Perspective: Adult Children vs Spouse

Adult children caregivers are given more recognition than spousal caregivers because society expects them to send their parents into a facility. The expectations being so low give them the praise for giving even the least amount of attention. Spousal caregivers are taken for granted even though they put in tons of time and effort without any complaints. They have sacrificed their relationship with their significant other to attain this role which requires an investment of time and creates stress. Spouses should seek social and emotional support. The first step to successfully receiving this support is by seeking out others who have been in similar situations and can relate to their situation.

There are disease-specific support groups or organizations such as the "National Parkinson Foundation" and the "American Cancer Society". The "Well Spouse Association" is another great organization specifically for spouses who are caregivers for their loved ones and are learning how to cope with the responsibilities to support their ill partner. They also have a telephone support group and a message board to share experiences and get advice.

The following link has a huge list of such groups or organizations. Click below to find a group that may be specific to your needs. 

https://panfoundation.org/index.php/en/patients/patient-resources/patient-support-organizations

Spouse Appreciation Matters: Ask for Gratitude

Spousal caregivers often create an imbalanced relationship with their family and ill loved one. The reason being that the caregivers give more than they receive, and this may change the way they define their relationships. Patients of family caregivers should be reminded to continue to express heartfelt gratitude. Even a hug or a “thank you” can go a very long way.

If you are having to care for your spouse and you need some help, please give us a call at (818) 206-8121. We specialize in respite care, that can give you the much needed break to focus on being a spouse and not a caregiver.  Let us help you get back to your "normal".