Four Tips on How to Talk to Your Parents about Aging
As adult children, it’s difficult to watch our parents age. The people responsible for bringing us into the world and raising us to be independent adults, who’ve watched us as we’ve made our own way in the world and perhaps even started families of our own, are now slowing down. Mom seems to be more and more forgetful; Dad can’t keep up at the zoo with the grandkids. It’s the conversation you keep delaying, the elephant in the room. It’s the conversation no adult child wishes to have with their aging parents, yet at the same time
can no longer be ignored. Talking with your parents about aging and lifestyle changes can be difficult to navigate, but it’s far better to have the conversation before a crisis strikes. If you find yourself in this position, on needing to talk with your aging loved one about aging, yet do not want to offend them, here are a few tips to steer the conversation to something more constructive.
Practice Empathy
Of utmost importance is to put yourself in your aging loved ones’ shoes. Aging is a touchy subject, and despite its inevitability, no one likes to talk about getting older and losing independence. Imagine it were you in your parents’ position and approach the subject like you would want your own children to approach it. Avoid ultimatums, such as saying you’re just going to put them in a nursing home no matter their desires. Instead, acknowledge your parents’ thoughts and feelings about growing older and talk through their fears and anxieties. Use phrases such as “I see that you seem to be slowing down a little more when we go out, how are you feeling?”
Plan Ahead
Select a time, date, and place to meet with your aging loved one when everyone involved can be focused and present during the conversation. Be sure to include everyone who may be involved in the decision-making process should something detrimental happen later on down the road. Consider meeting at a neutral location, so that your loved one doesn’t feel ganged up on in their own home or trapped at your home. Let your loved one know what you’re planning to discuss so that they can prepare and allow them to select whom they desire to be present, despite your personal biases towards certain family members.
Write It Down
As you discuss your aging loved one’s wishes, write them down. When the time comes to have to put their wishes into motion, you may forget what they said or another relative may have a different recollection. Encourage your loved one to set up a living will and name a power of attorney. A living will details their desires regarding medical treatment should they no longer be able to express informed consent. It’s a great idea for your loved one to share that information with you before a catastrophic event, so that you are aware and prepared.
Cover the Basics
After your loved one has created a living will and established a power of attorney, it’s important to talk about other areas relating to growing older so that you’re all on the same page. Talk about what happens should your loved one no longer be able to drive and when that might be. Discuss putting safeguards into place in case of falls, such as wearing a medical alert device. Ask to be kept informed about chronic or new medical conditions and changes in their medications. Talk about the plan should your loved one need more help at home than you are able to provide. Finally, discuss end-of-life preferences, including funeral planning. Your loved one may very well have everything in place for when that time comes, and you might just need to know where to find their important documents that outline what to do.
Whether your aging loved one is generally healthy, starting to show some signs of needing more help at home, or nearing end of life, Visiting Angels Richmond can provide services for the support that you need. We can help you find the senior home care that meets all your needs. When you trust us with your elder care services, it is with the understanding that your loved one’s needs will be met, be it our Ready-Set-Go Home Care, Companion Care, or even End of Life Care. We are committed to helping you find peace of mind so that your loved one can continue to live at home. Give us a call today so that we can learn more about your situation.