What to Do When Your Elderly Parent Refuses Help

What can you do when your elderly parent refuses help? It happens more often than you might think, so we get asked this question a lot. It’s one of the most difficult things that adult children of elderly parents face. 

It’s possible that pride, fear, or even cognitive decline may be at the root of your parent’s refusal to accept help. No matter the cause, it’s a worrisome situation. 

No matter how frustrating it may seem, there are ways that you can help convince your parents to accept the help they need. You just need to use the right approach.

Understand Their Perspective

First, put yourself in your parent's shoes. Acknowledge their feelings about asking for help, and then really listen to them as they share why they do not want to accept help.

Try to understand their point of view and allow them to have as much independence as possible. After all, they still have the right to make decisions regarding their lives, even though things are changing.

Focus on Collaboration

It's not about dictating a solution; it's about approaching it together. Many children have found success when they offer their parents choices and involve them in the decision making process. 

It also helps to start small, with things that won’t feel like major changes. Helping them do dishes or vacuum is less threatening than offering to help them move into a nursing home, right? 

Along the way, be sure to emphasize all the benefits for their quality of life, safety, and well-being. They have a lot to gain by accepting help! Remember to be patient; changing attitudes and overcoming resistance takes time.

Address Specific Concerns

If your parents are afraid of losing their independence, they may be more interested in services or devices that will allow them to be as independent as possible. This could include things like lawn care services, in-home care or assistive devices. 

The better you understand their objections, the better you can help. For example, if they’re struggling with finances, you can research the possibilities of financial assistance or other charity programs. Similarly, loneliness and isolation can be overcome by encouraging them to join group activities or a club or organization and by calling friends and family members.

Enlist Allies

If your elderly parents continue to refuse help, don’t worry. You don't have to do this alone. Sometimes, parents need to hear these messages from other sources. Enlist other family members or close friends whom your parents respect and trust. They can back up your message and provide additional support, as you are presenting a united front. 

Share your concerns with your parent's doctor and other healthcare professionals, and ask for advice. They may have some objective insights and suggestions that your parents might be more likely to follow. Consider working with a geriatric care manager who specializes in helping families in situations like yours. 

Be Honest and Reassuring

Be open and honest with your parents about all your concerns and fears in a loving and respectful way. Share how this rejection of help is making you feel emotionally, but also share your genuine concern for keeping them well. 
Reassure them that receiving care doesn't mean or show any weakness or failure on their part; on the contrary, it is very practical for daily living out their years in safety.

Try a No-Obligation Introduction

If you need further help, don't hesitate to ask for it. Visiting Angels of Coeur d'Alene will work with you to create personalized care plans that meet your parent's needs and preferences. It will give you peace of mind by providing a comfortable and respectful environment where your loved one can receive the assistance required.

One of our clients, Nikki T., struggled with getting her parents to accept help. When she invited them to have a free, no-obligation consultation with a representative from Visiting Angels, everything changed. Our team was able to connect with her parents in a meaningful way, explain how the service worked, and explain the benefits. It felt less scary and more comforting when presented this way. 

Heartfelt Highlights

If you’re worried about an elderly parent who refuses help, try to see things from their perspective. Invite others they respect to join with you in having these important conversations. At the end of the day, it’s important to make sure that you’re working together to find the best options that will help them stay independent, safe, and well for years to come.