Imagine being pushed into a crowd of marathon runners with no running
shoes or gear, no pre-training to fall back on, no one cheering you on
from the sidelines with power bars and bottles of cold water. Also, you
don’t know when you’ll cross the finish line. All you know is that
you’ll be exhausted when you get there.
Caregiving can feel like a marathon. It’s an experience that most are
thrust into without warning, and with virtually no training. You often
feel unprepared for what's next. Good cheerleaders are hard to find.
But you get into a stride, you adapt, and you keep running until you
need a rest. And that's when necessary respite care can be a lifesaver.
Finding Moments of Rest
Providing care for a loved one is a journey. You grow and learn as you
go, but one of the most important things a caregiver can learn early on
is to avoid dangerous burnout with respite. Know that when providing
care, you should do daily self-care rituals like journaling, drinking a
cup of tea, or taking a five-minute walk outside to refresh your body,
soul and mind. But you also need time to completely remove yourself
from the race and rest for an extended period — or as Denise Brown,
family caregiver and
founder of Caregiving.com
puts it, “a few moments.”
“My parents were both critically ill throughout 2015, with the summer
months proving to be the most intense,” Brown recalls. But there were a
host of reasons that made taking time off feel impossible for the small
business owner, so she had to be creative. “I couldn't leave town, but
I could take a break by going to my community pool to simply float,”
she says.
Brown looks back now at the summer of 2015 as “the summer of the pool.”
She kept her swimming bag in her car so she could head to the pool
whenever she had a few minutes. “And that’s all I needed: a few moments
to float back and forth, and back and forth,” says Brown. “Floating in
the water while kids played reminded me that life continues and I will
too.”
Finding Strength for the Long Haul
Cathy Jones Parks and her husband care around the clock “on high alert
24/7” for her mother, who has Alzheimer’s.
“Without the breaks, which allow us to turn off the ‘high alert’ mode
for brief periods, we would be emotionally and physically exhausted to
the point where we are not functioning well,” says Jones Parks. “In
addition, we need the respite time to take care of our personal lives.”
Jones Parks currently relies on family members for respite now, but she
is actively investigating community options. “Respite allows us to
continue to ‘be us’ and to build our strength so that we can
effectively care for my mom for the intensive 24/7 periods,” she says.
Readying Yourself for Respite
Lillian Lake was already a seasoned caregiver when she relocated to a
different state to care for an older cousin with whom she had a
lifelong friendship. And even though she only cared for Betty for four
months (a commitment that was initially supposed to be two weeks), she
made respite a priority.
“I had three opportunities for respite care during that time,” says
Lake. “These [day trips] were only 24 hours apiece, but without them, I
would have had a much more difficult time remaining in a state of
gratitude and calmness, and have the energy required to take care of
someone 24 hours a day with no outside help other than hospice twice a
week and a CNA who came twice a week.”
Lake says these day visits kept her grounded. “I was able to feel that
while I was more than willing to care for Betty, I was staying true to
myself and my own needs while remaining in unfamiliar surroundings with
unfamiliar people.”
Finding and scheduling respite wasn’t without its challenges, even for
the experienced Lake. “I didn't have an issue with understanding my need for respite, but
it was still hard to stand my ground and demand commitment from the
ones who would be taking my place,” she explains. “I had to have what
seemed like long, exhausting conversations about Betty's condition,
write out exactly how meds were to be given and under what
circumstances, and leave a trail of breadcrumbs in case I was needed —
as well as make the arrangements for my time away.”
For the caregiver who doesn't feel ready for respite, Lake understands
the hesitation. "Respite is tricky,” she says. “While you're absent,
you truly have to put your mind and heart in a state of suspension and
yet, be ready.”
But Lake also believes that’s the beauty of respite — and of caregiving
too. “After all, isn't that what caregiving is? Holding space for love
in the relationship, even when you'd like to be doing something else.”
Balancing Life Better with a Professional Caregiver
As each caregiver’s journey is unique, so will her experience be with
respite. What each caregiver needs to refuel during her marathon is
different, but one truth remains genuinely universal: you must take
time away from caregiving to focus on your life as a wife, a mother, an
employee, a friend. You can't be a devoted wife, mother, employee,
friend and a 24/7 caregiver without help.
Something has to give: and if you can lean on an experienced
professional caregiver for respite, you can better fulfill your
responsibilities to your loved one who is depending on you. And as you
lighten your caregiving load, whether for a few moments or 24-hour
increments, you can breathe more deeply and step back into your role
refreshed and ready, not resentful, and not burnt out.
Find out how partnering with a professional caregiver makes a
lifesaving difference, as it did for the five women
in this story about how respite
eased their caregiving stress.