Maintaining Dignity and Privacy When Caring for Parents
There is a switch in every child and parent relationship where the kids start caring for the parents. The care kids provide to aging parents differs for everyone, but a hurdle difficult for many families to overcome is how to maintain parents’ dignity and privacy. No kid wants to see their parents in a vulnerable position, but preparing for the aging process by keeping parents involved, setting boundaries, using assistive devices, and hiring a professional caregiver can help provide mutual respect and love from both parties.
Keep your parents involved in the decision-making process
As your parents age, you’ll have to make many decisions about their care, finances, assets, and future. Don’t make these decisions on your own. Involve your parents and ask for their opinion, especially regarding their care. Ask them about their ideal situation, where they want to live, and what activities they envision in their future lives. Also, ask them about concerns they have about their future. Are they worried about finances? Do they have strict deal breakers when it comes to their care options? Take their opinions into consideration and include them throughout the entire decision-making process.
Set boundaries
Before the relationship shifts from child to family caregiver, talk to your parents about boundaries. Separately list the activities and responsibilities you are comfortable handling and which may make you uncomfortable. Compare your lists and see where the activities overlap. You can then create a finalized list of what you can help your parents with and what activities you want to outsource or hire a professional to complete.
When setting boundaries, consider the following:
- Housework and yard work
- Managing finances
- Managing personal records and documentation
- Personal grooming
- Medication management
- Personal grooming, like dressing, showering, and toileting
- Transportation to doctor’s appointments
It’s vital to understand that everyone’s boundaries are different. There’s no right or wrong way to set boundaries with your parents as long as both parties are comfortable with the arrangement.
Encourage assistive devices in the house
Many older adults want to remain independent for as long as possible. Encouraging an independent lifestyle is fine as long as your parents can safely care for themselves. To ensure their safety, you may want to speak with them about assistive devices throughout the home.
- Consider placing handrails in the bathroom, the toilet, and the shower.
- Make sure the hallways are free of clutter and well-lit.
- Lower cabinets and ensure the most used items are on the easiest-to-reach shelves.
- Encourage your parents to wear sturdy footwear to reduce the risk of falling.
- Install a voice-active phone system or calling device so your parents can call for help in the case of an emergency.
Consider hiring a professional caregiver
Depending on the boundaries you set with your parents, there may be activities, such as toileting and showering, that you’re uncomfortable providing. Consider hiring a professional caregiver from a trusted care agency like Visiting Angels for more intimate activities. Professional caregivers undergo intensive training to make their loved ones feel safe and comfortable when assisting them with personal grooming. They can also help with other nonmedical tasks like light housekeeping, medication reminders, transportation, and meal preparation.
Our Manassas office works with seniors in Prince William and Western Fairfax counties, including Fort Belvoir and Lorton. If you’d like to learn more about our services or schedule a complimentary consultation, send us a message or call 703.530.8811.