How to Approach the “More Help” Conversation While Keeping Your Parents’ Dignity Intact

No adult child wants to admit that their parents are aging and need more help with their daily routine. They may notice signs that their parents need more help, such as body odor, difficulty getting to the bathroom in time, an unkempt appearance, or messy home. Yet, they deny or delay having the dreaded conversation that it’s time for mom and/or dad to hire someone to help them at home.

It’s best to approach the topic before your parents need more help than you can provide. Having a plan allows your parents to remain in control of their future and keeps everyone on the same page. If you are growing concerned about your parents as they age, perhaps you need to have a candid conversation with them today. Here are a few tips to guide you through the “more help” conversation so that you keep your parents’ dignity intact.

Avoid an Intervention

The first rule of thumb when you need to have a difficult conversation with your parents is to avoid arranging a family intervention. Unless you have an extremely tight-knit family, it’s best for only a few adult children (or even one) to talk with mom or dad about needing more help. Keeping your parents’ dignity intact means those not intimately involved in their lives aren’t a part of this conversation. If one sibling has a closer relationship or is already stepping up as the family caregiver, let this person initiate the conversation. Other siblings can voice their concerns in a loving way, but avoid ganging up on mom or dad so they don’t feel defensive.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Next, keep your parents’ dignity intact by asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions prompt more conversation and discussion as opposed to yes/no questions. It also gives your parents the opportunity to express themselves without limiting them to an either/or answer. For example, if you ask them if they need more help at home, they’re going to say “no, we’re fine.” However, if you ask them what would help them manage their everyday routine more easily, they have the opportunity to share their current struggles.

Keep an Open Mind

As you approach the “more help” conversation, it’s important to keep an open mind. You may have plans for your parents that would put your mind at ease, but they might not coincide with your parents’ desires. Instead, let your parents lead the conversation while you practice active listening. Your parents could already have a plan in place but didn’t want to alarm the family by asking for more help at home.

Voice Your Concerns Calmly

Keeping your parents’ dignity intact also means that you remain calm during the conversation. If your parents insist they are fine, but you know they need more help than they admit, stay calm. Voice your concerns and your observations without raising your voice. Stick to true observations and not assumptions you have about their well-being. Let them know that you are worried about them and that it would help put your mind at ease if they had someone to help them.

Encourage a Tentative Plan

Finally, keep your parents’ dignity intact by encouraging them to make a tentative plan about their care needs in the future. Give them time and space to consider care options and how they’d like to spend the remaining years of their lives. Then, walk the care journey with them. Remind your parents that the plan is tentative, meaning it can change as needed. If they need more help, they can get more help. If they need less help, then help can come less frequently. What’s most important is that they have a tentative plan that is communicated with immediate family members.

If it’s time you had the “more help” conversation with your parents, but you aren’t sure how to start, know that Visiting Angels of Santa Clarita is here to help you initiate the conversation. Our senior care coordinator is able to meet with you and your parents in the comfort of their own home to discuss care options that best fit their needs. We provide a variety of home care services that allow seniors to remain independent and safe at home. Our services are available on an affordable, hourly basis with flexibility in days, times, and length of care visits. If you’re ready to take that next step, please contact us today by calling 661-263-2273.