How to Collaborate with Your Siblings to Care for Your Aging Parents
Most older adults lean on a family member to assist them with their affairs or personal care. If they aren’t already receiving help, most older adults expect a family member to help them when the time comes. According to Family Care Alliance, 65 percent of older adults with long-term care needs rely exclusively on a family member. Thirty percent choose to supplement care provided by a family member with a paid caregiver.
The caregiving responsibilities to an aging parent often fall on the shoulder of the child who lives closest to their parent. If all children live near, the role is usually assumed by the eldest daughter or daughter-in-law. The burden of being the sole caregiver for an aging parent can cause the family caregiver to feel overwhelmed, tired, stressed, and burnt out.
It’s important that all siblings work together to provide supportive care to an aging parent. One sibling may take the lead, but other siblings should also contribute. If you are a family caregiver, or if your aging parents are receiving support from a sibling, here are a few tips to help you collaborate.
Respect Your Parents' Wishes
Whether a sibling naturally fell into the role of family caregiver or has assumed the role out of necessity, every sibling should strive to respect your parents’ wishes regarding their health and well-being. The first step in collaboration involves a conversation with your parents about their desires. Find time when all siblings and your parents can meet to have an open conversation. Discuss your parents’ long-term care plans, where they hope to age, any advanced directives they have in place, and other related topics. This ensures that each sibling is on the same page regarding your parents’ care. Should a care option need to be made in the future, each sibling can have confidence knowing that the decision made best honors your parents’ wishes.
Communicate Often and Openly
The next step in collaboration is to communicate often and openly. The primary family caregiver should do their best to keep everyone else in the loop regarding your parents’ health and well-being. They should also include ways siblings can help, especially if they’re starting to feel burnt out. A great way to do this is through a shared text thread. This alleviates the stress of having to repeat the details of a doctor’s appointment or other concerns. It also ensures that everyone receives the same information, and no one feels left out.
Create a Schedule
Although it’s typical for one sibling to assume the responsibility of caring for an aging parent, it doesn’t have to remain that way. If you and your siblings are fortunate to live near your aging parents, consider creating a care schedule. Each sibling can step in and help where help is needed, as schedules allow. Create a sign-up sheet or create a shared family calendar where siblings can designate availability to assist. One sibling may need to drive the schedule, but everyone else can take turns chipping in.
Divide Care Tasks
In a similar vein, care tasks can also be divided amongst siblings. This ensures that the load of caregiving is distributed amongst all siblings. While not every sibling may have equal time to assist with mom or dad, everyone can contribute something. Siblings who live far away can assist by grocery shopping online and arranging delivery. They can also help manage finances through online banking or arrange a housekeeper to clean a few times a month. Siblings who live nearby can divide and conquer other tasks, such as laundry, meal preparation, or escorting mom or dad on errands.
Give the Primary Family Caregiver a Respite
The final way siblings can collaborate to care for their aging parents is to give the primary family caregiver a regular respite. Family caregivers are prone to putting themselves last. This can lead to caregiver burn out, fatigue, and depression. Siblings who aren’t the lead caregiver should collaborate regularly to give the lead caregiver a break. If you live far away, schedule long weekends to visit your aging parents and let your sibling know they’re “off-duty” that weekend. If you live nearby, set aside one weekend a month to give your sibling a break. The lead caregiver will appreciate the time away to recharge.
If you and your siblings are struggling to manage the changing care needs of your aging parents, Visiting Angels Punta Gorda is here to help. We can provide you with a caregiver who can assist your aging parents. Whether your aging parents need help running errands, assistance with bathing or dressing, or need a companion to keep them company so that you can attend to your own life, you can depend on us. Our team would be honored to work with you. Contact us today by calling 941-347-8288 Charlotte County or 239-226-1620 Lee County.