Helping Senior Loved Ones Who Reject Care

Aging is a part of life, and as our loved ones age, their needs change. These changes can lead to a challenging situation among families - a need for support in their home met with resistance from the senior who needs it. This can be a frustrating and stressful time for everyone who is involved, but there are ways to have the conversation in a compassionate and productive way. 

Reasons Seniors Reject In-Home Care

First lets look at some of the reasons an elder loved one may reject the idea of receiving help. They thought of needing assistance can be scary for some aging adults and accepting help may make them feel like they are losing part of their identity. They may be embarrassed by recent changes in their own capabilities, especially when it comes to person care tasks, or they may not even be aware of their decline. Here are a few of the common signs that indicate your loved one could benefit from added support:

• Unexplained weight loss. This can be a sign that they are having difficulty preparing meals for themselves or are facing a loss of appetite that could indicate other health concerns.
• A cluttered home. A messy home can be a sign that housekeeping tasks have become difficult.
• Instances of getting lost or confused. Confusion and getting lost in familiar places can be a sign of cognitive decline.
• Recent falls and/or balance concerns. Any fallis a serious concern and a sign that support with daily tasks is necessary.
• A disorganized medicine cabinet. Unorganized medications can signify confusion or difficulty with managing prescribed medications.

Tips for Having the Conversation

Talking to your loved one about their need for support can be stressful. Here are a few tips we've put together to help you approach the conversation with empathy and compassion.

• Empathy is the number one key. Be sure to approach the subject with compassion and understanding. Put yourself in their shoes, acknowledge their concerns, fears and anxieties.
• Be mindful of your nonverbal communication. Avoid accusatory language that could make them feel they are not in control. Be sure to use an understanding and calm tone.
• Respect their independence. It is important to acknowledge your loved one's desire to remain independent. Reassure them that accepting help can allow them to focus more of their energy on activities they enjoy.

Offer Choices, Be Patient and Start Small

Reassure your senior loved one that you respect their opinion and their wishes. Present them with multiple options such as in-home care, assisted living communities, or moving in with a family member (if that is an option). Offer the idea of "trying" something for a period of time and see how they like it. Talk through the different options and discuss the pros and cons of each. Openly discussing the possibilities gives aging adults a voice in their care and helps them regain a sense of control.

Be sure you don't try and tackle all of your concerns at once, if possible. Start small. Offer to help them with their grocery shopping or some light housekeeping. Encourage them to attend local senior events to help them connect with others who are going through the same challenges with aging. If home care is needed, propose a short schedule to start, perhaps just 1-2 days per week to take some of the daily household duties off of their plate and ease into a longer schedule over time.

It is important to respect your senior loved one's wishes, especially if their situation isn't an emergency. Don't pressure them if they reject help initially. Continue to offer your support and if the time isn't right, come back to the conversation at a different time. Give them space and time to adjust to the idea of added support. By continuing to be supportive and offering them choices, you can help guide them to the support they need.

We're Here to Help

At Visiting Angels West Metro we offer compassionate, dependable in-home care services to seniors throughout the Twins Cities metro area. From companion care to basic personal support, to comprehensive care and 24/7 support, we can help you and your family through the aging journey. By working together we can create a plan that offers support and works for everyone involved. We offer a free, no obligation consultation to assist you when the time is right. Give us a call to learn more at 952-935-0789, you can also get in touch with us by filling out our inquiry form.