NAVIGATING AGING WHEN YOUR PARENTS DO NOT WANT HELP
What do you do when every time you ask your Dad to move he says no? What do you do when after repeated falls your Mom refuses to have a companion or caregiver in the home for safety?
If your parents are used to doing everything themselves and in their own way, these reactions should not surprise you. Parents fiercely want to hold on to their independence even when it is not in their best interest. No amount of coercion, yelling, screaming, bribery, bullying, or threats will make them budge. Still you want what’s best for them, but not at the expense of your relationship. So stop having unrealistic expectations and instead try the following:
- Focus on preserving trust and keeping your relationship intact ? not winning arguments. Assure your parents you will listen to them, take their concerns seriously, and support them no matter what.
- Be wary of how you communicate! Stay calm. Watching your tone and being respectful can go a long way towards easing tension. Don’t TELL your folks what to do, instead engage them in the problem solving. Find out what are the solutions they may have in mind.
- Recognize their priorities, not just your own. Give choices and options that take their values, needs, and fears into consideration. Stress that you are helping them achieve their goals, not imposing your own agenda.
- Give your parents time to adjust even if patience is not one of your strengths. They need time to process change.
- Limit tough conversations when your parents are tired or agitated. Holidays or family celebrations are not the time to have deep conversations about change.
- Setting limits often helps, in other words “….you can have it your way, but we have to arrange for assistance if I can’t always be available.”
- As a last resort, a respected family Doctor’s strong advice can help pave the way for homecare and often does the trick in cases like giving up the car keys, preventing additional falls and hospitalizations, making sure medication protocols are adhered to, etc.
Contact Us – It’s all about peace of mind, for you, for them. Studies have shown when most Senior parents refuse help it is because they are afraid of losing their independence, becoming a burden on loved ones, being taken advantage of, and relinquishing control over their lives. Let Visiting Angels be that neutral third party able to overcome resistance to assistance and supply the piece of the puzzle that will keep your loved ones safe and comfortable at home as long as possible. We are specially trained to handle resistance, can take the emotion out of the family equation to help your parents see you are on their side! The benefits of homecare include more than help with the daily routine, it helps your parents thrive, not just survive, as they navigate the final chapter of their journey with dignity.
Till Next Time!
Irv Seldin, JD, President and Owner, Visiting Angels of the Palm Beaches
*THIS ARTICLE IS NOT INTENDED AS MEDICAL ADVICE.